...its the life we live...

So I know that along with the Navy comes CHANGE, and I hate it. Not only the change that comes along with our marriages and families but with our friends as well. Being in a commited relationship or a marriage makes friendships a little harder sometimes, I think. You can get along with someone sooo well, but if their SO doesnt like you or your SO it can make hanging out really hard.
So yes, if you're wondering, this rambling is going somewhere. My very very good friend, probably the best friend I have, has her hubby back now! I am so happy for her, I know how much deployments freakin blow, for lack of a better word, and how much simpler life can get when you have your hubby back. & Yes, I can be realistic, I know that time with friends goes down when your husband comes back, especially after 8 months. Its not that I even expect all of her time anymore, although Iv come to be pretty used to it, lol. I just feel like....well to put it simply..I feel like her husband hates me, although Im not sure why. He hated me while he was gone but I thought that was only because he had been gone so long and I was always with his wife. Today is the first time I met him, and I thought we got along well until he decided against her idea of coming over to my house =((. I could just be paranoid and he may have just wanted to be HOME since he has spent so little time there lately. Then I heard of them going to another friends, or out with another friend, later that day and that made me a little sadder. Yes, maybe Im slightly jealous. She was my first REAL friend out here. Its not like I want to be in the middle of their marriage. Its not even that Im complaining about not seeing her. Im just upset that I feel like he would rather they not see me. Im not sure if any of this even makes sense. I can see why people think we really are "together" lol I sound like her nagging wife! lol
I guess the point in this is that, I feel like her hubby hates me, and doesnt want her around me, and Im not entirely sure if thats going to change how good our friendship has been or not. Just stinks.
On a positive note for today I got to see My Brittany! Oh how Iv missed her! I guess I should now call her MRS. DAWSON! Shes such an amazing friend to just, talk with, have a good laugh with! Shes always my upper! =)). & DAvid REALLY like hanging out with RJ and Sam as well! I was so glad they got along! I think David needs some new friends, that I approve of! lol. Sam is one of the greatest, and I "think" her hubby likes me, or can atleast tolerate me! =)) lol.
Oh geez, So i guess its ups and downs, Maybe it will all work itself out in the end.
We are so close to going home to Indiana, Im not sure that I am excited though! =//. I like getting to see everyone but I want to spend a very SMALL amount of time there. I love my friends and family but I LOVE BEING HOME, MY HOME. We will be there long enough to throw Madisyn a bday party and thats about it. I cant believe my baby will be THREE! Ahhh where did the time go!?
After the bday party the girls will be staying at their daddys house for a few weeks. Im not happy about it, but I am trying to think on the positive side that it will give David and I some time together before he leaves for a year =((. We are going to get MARRIED, and take our own minivacation//honeymoon =)) & buy a new car while the girls are away! lol
Oh so much going on lately I could go on forever, But Ill save you the boredm =))

Its been a while..

                                                                             

Iv spent so much time working on buttons and headers and signatures for some of the other ladies that I have barely had time to post! I enjoy doing it though and from what they tell me, they like them, so its fun, and rewarding!

Things on the homefront have been going well. A few Pre-Deployment spats, but hey what can ya do!?

Mr. Anthony Martinez & the USS Ramage are due to come in tomorrow! Im SO Super excited for my bestie, Sarah! =)). Its been a long time coming and like all of us, it hasnt been easy on her! I hope tomorrow becomes the THIRD best day of your life! [Falling behind having Alex, and getting married lol]

So between helping Sarah get ready for homecoming, and preparing ourselves for deployment things have been crazy! Iv been occupying myself as much as possible with some of my own things. I have started selling AVON! Im excited about it. Iv got a pretty good list of clients started =)) My website is YourAVon.com/AlisheauWAlters if you want to do some ordering yourself! & Also, like I said, I have been working on graphics and things for some of the girls.

David reenlisted on Wed. I am so proud of him. Minus the part where he didnt tell me I would have to stand up in front of everyone and receive an "appreciation certificate" I could have died! lol It was a good feeling though. I brought it home and framed it! lol Now he will never forget that I am "appreciated"! lol. We feel that so little in our life as Navy wives that I actually enjoy seeing it hanging on the wall!
I feel like Im rambling. I just wanted to catch things up so I dont get too far behind! BAck to working on more buttons for my loves =))

-I- h-A-te you

David is leaving to go IA and "defend democracy". Yes, I understand that it's necessary. Yes, I understand that I knew this was part of the package, that it was a trade off... I am marrying someone who deploys frequently, he married someone with an unhealthy obsession with facebook. I know. But freakin hell, it seems like he just got back! Why are we now finding out that he'll be leaving again? They gave us all of 2 months notice. Do you know how hard it is to prepare to live as half yourself for a YEAR, in 2 months time? We have soo much to get done. His divorce still isnt finalized, we have a court date set for August 18th, and Im praying we walk out of there with a divorce decrea. I know David and the [X] have been seperated for years now, but Im still not giddy about the idea of getting married just days after his DIVORCE is finalized. I guess its just the "sound" of that, that I dont like. =// I wanted to choke her when I found out they were still "legally married" after we were...well, I WAS, under the impression they had been divorced for 3 years now. In all senses of the word he has been "MINE" for 2 years now, and thats how it will stay, I have no doubt, but I cant help but be irritated by the way things are coming together. I already gave up my big wedding, for a smaller one [which was fine], and now I have been reduced to "just doing it". How we are married isnt as important as the meaning behind it, but...How else do I explain it except its every girls dream....I guess thats the sacrafice of a military wife.
So, not only do we have to put a rush on getting married, we have to put a rush on buying a new car. We planned to buy one early next year and now we have to buy it within the next month. We also need a new laptop so he can take ours with him. David is re-enlisting next week. We have to get his Page 2s, & Power of Attorney in order. We will then have to go get IDs and deal with insurance for the girls and I. Next will be putting base stickers ont the new car, and then getting the RPP set up on our house. AHHH!
After all this is said and done David has brought up the two of us taking a vacation, or honeymoon by that time I guess. We dont know where, or for how long, but gosh doesnt that sound amazzzing?! I really hope we find the time to fit that in our schedule, but in the big picture it is coming in last.
David keeps talking about all the money we will save with him going IA, how much more the paycheck will be, yadda yadda yadda. While all of this is pleseant news, I would trade it all to have this next year with him HOME rather than in a war zone. =((.
Im sure it sounds as though I am rambling. All of these thoughts are still so jumbled in my head. I have every intention of sitting down making a TO DO list that must be completed before he leaves in OCT.!
Ugh, just the sound of OCTOBER makes my stomach turn.
I just got him back. I swear I did. & This is where I stop, before I start to sound like the "anti military wife" and ramble on and on about the Navy and Chain of Command and so on and so forth.
I guess after all is said & done, the title of this Blog could not ring more true than it does at this very moment. =//


I'm both sad and irate all in one.

New Signature.

Another Test. =)). Im having too much fun with this.
I think Ill keep this one for a while though, I promise!

...My Oh My...

So many things going on. Where do I even start.

I have been so busy teaching myself more about blogging, photoshop, and html. Iv mainly been using it to keep myself busy and not think so much.

Just a few days ago we found out that David will be going IA to Afghanistan in just 2 and a half months. I really dont want to go into how I feel about that right now. I have a feeling I will come off as the "anti-military spouse". Some things are better left unsaid, for now.

As far as the effect this will have: We have 2 months to get married, buy a new car, new laptop, get Page 2s, power of attorney, IDs, insurance, RPP, and HOPEFULLY take a small vacation, just the two of us =). I know there is so much more to be done before he goes and listing everything would take me days. Lets just say, AHHHHHHH, I need 5 more brains and 12 more hands to handle it sanely. =(.

Im sure I will be back very soon to whine and moan about this IA Business. Just thought Id make a short post to update things.

Toddler Prison.

Before I begin to spill my feelings on this subject I just want to say that my soon to be hubby is an amazing man. He is hard woking, loving, sweet and ....just honestly one the the nicest guys you will ever meet. He is a wonderful father, SO, Sailor, Son, & Uncle. I wouldnt trade my life with him for the world. I post this reminder because I am extremelly upset at the moment and I dont want anything I say to come off as a bad impression of the kind of man he is.

I, however, am stuck in TODDLER PRISON!!

Im not sure he totally understands the effects that spending all day, every day with a 6, 4, & 2 year old can have on a person. I have very little patience and very little sanity left.

As many of you know I have never spent a day of my life since I was 15 NOT working. Before I met David I worked every day of my life, most times 12 hours a day. I had my own house, car, and took care of my kids on my own. Ever since David & I have been together I have not worked a single day. All of my time as been spent as a housewife/stay at home mom. I love and appreciate my husband very much for giving me this opportunity. I am glad that I am able to see my kids so much more than I did when I worked my ass off every day. I love that I will have the chance to send them off to school in the morning and see them off the bus in the afternoon. So many parents miss out on these little things so often these days.

You may ask then, "If she is so appreciative, why the rambling post of Toddler Prison?"
I love my kids dearly, but God made me with a very, very, verrrrry low amount of patience. I am easily irritated throughout the day. & as some of you know a 6, 4, & 2 year old can wear that down pretty thin.

I have been in VA for about a year and a half and recently my soon to be hubby started complaining that I didnt want to go make any friends. I didnt feel the need to make any friends, Im not a freindly person, I seldom get along with groups of females because there  is just too much drama to be had. Sooo, I did meet a few wives here and there and I love them ALL Dearly! Sometimes I wonder how I lived without them. The majority of our "getting to know each other" stages were done so while the hubby was underway so there were no problems then. I have not spent a night out, a day out, from my family although Iv made these friends, while the hubby is home. I am a mom and I have no interest in being out partying & leaving him to tend to the kids. I have though, asked him to watch them for THIRTY MINUTES to AN HOUR so that I can go with one of the girls tanning. My hubby has been home from his underway for 10 days. Of these 10 days I have been tanning 3 times. THREE.  So in 3 days time he has watched our girls, plus Alex (18 months), for a total of MAYBE 2 hours. & let me just add that these 3 days were NOT consecutive. Other than going tanning, I do not LEAVE MY HOUSE at all, for ANY amount of time, unless I go sit out back, and even then my time is spent making sure the kids dont run away or kill one another.

So then I noticed something was wrong with him today just by the short, evasive texts I was getting. I asked what I did...& I got "Iv been feeling like you pay more attention to me when I'm at work and when I get home I get nothing except for "watch the kids" even though Iv been at work all day. Atleast you get some help. Im just frustrated with it." I am not completely cold hearted. I do understand that he works hard for our family EVERY DAY. On the THREE occasions I have asked him to watch the girls I have first: fed them, bathed them, and put them to bed, & put the baby gate up on their room. So in all fairness he has really only had Alex to tend to and there is a playpen that He can be put in and WAS put in when we got home each time. One of the times I bathed the kids, fed them and then he was asked to put them in bed, (which is pretty simple) and put the gate up. How then should I have to feel bad?

He makes it sound as though we have a revolving door and he walks in from work & I walk out.

I know that I signed up for some hard times when I chose this life, but I DID NOT sign up for having absolutely no time to myself with out 3 screaming kids in my ear. I do not think that 30 minutes 3 days a week is asking for too much. I do value what little sanity I have left, and if I cant have just this little bit of me time...said sanity will not be long lived.

Each of these times that I have went tanning I have first let him know or asked if it would be okay and his response each time " Yea sure baby go ahead, I dont mind watching the kids." --((On another note, its not WATCHING THE KIDS when they are yours, Its being a father!)) I spend all day every day here with the kids, how am I not allowed 30-60 minutes away, without a guilt trip from him!? I dont do it EVERYDAY & I finish things up around here and leave very little for him to deal with when I do leave the house.

I dont feel like he is being fair at all. Is a relationship not supposed to be "meet in the middle". I feel like Im giving my all to make him happy and getting nothing in return. Yes, he goes to work everyday, and works hard to provide for our family and protect our country, but Im not in this relationship for the paycheck he brings home. That cant be his only form of "give" in this relationship. I know what it is like to work and provide for my kids. Im not a spoiled wife who doesnt appreciate what her husband does for her, but I need more. I need to be able to hold on to my sanity. He has never asked, but once, to go out with the guys. & He did go when he wanted to that time. Im not even asking for time to go "hang out" with the girls, I just want an hour to go TANNING! UGHH, how is that asking for too much. I cant bring myself to understand. He acts like I use that revolving door and toss him a "to-do" list on my way out. =(

It seems to me that he wont be {Happy} unless I spend all day cleaning and cooking and tending to the kids needs. Wait for him to come home, Pick up after the trail he leaves through the house when he arrives. Serve him dinner, watch whatever he wants to watch on tv, and then come to bed at 7 or 8pm when he is ready, [give him what he wants] & then let him roll over and go to sleep. =//

Yes, I realize this is what every man would love. Yes, I realize all women think they are crazy.

I do clean all day, most days. Our house stays VERY clean. [I suffer from OCD]-&  I say suffer because it does get on MY nerves sometimes as well as everyone around me. ((Today I organized my BANDAIDS!)) Do I move everything everyday and whiteglove my house? NO. But it does stay clean and neat and everything is in its place. He never has to do a thing, except pick up his own clothes and put them in the basket, which if you follow my facebook posts you know he RARELY DOES. He does take the trash out MOST DAYS & On occasion before we got our dishwasher he did do the dishes.-RARELY. I do make dinner on most every night, excpet lately because A trip to the grocery store is desperately needed but he has the car all day at work so I never have time to go.  & Im sorry dear but I am NOT tired at 7 or 8 pm. Exhausted? Yes! REady to Relax? Yes. REady to close my eyes and fall asleep? No. I do try to come up and lay with him until he falls asleep and most times I end up on the computer in bed because I am just so bored laying here....What else am I going to do?

I have no arguement against giving him what he wants, we will leave that one alone =)

It just seems that he pushed and pushed for me to make friends, and now that I have, He hates me for it.

Maybe Hate is too strong of a word =//.

I dont know how to feel about this. I dont know how to fix this. I can not just give up every second of my life to taking care of this family and not having a single solitary moment to myself. I cant do it. He has to meet me in the middle. There has to be an agreement that can be made. Im not sure what else I can do. I feel like Im coming way past the middle by putting the kids in bed before I even ask to leave.

ADVICE LADIES PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.

Footsteps at the Door

Another sleepless night for me

Alone upon our bed

I see again his every move

And those last words he said.

So proud he looked in uniform

Convinced that he was right

He had to go, for duty called

There was a war to fight.

Those last few days before he left

I hid the pain inside

We talked and loved and even joked

He never knew I cried.

And when the dreaded moment came

He kissed me tenderly.

His eyes met mine, and then he said,

"I'll be all right, you'll see."

I tried to smile and nod my head

Afraid to let him see

The terror that I feared if he

Did not come back to me.

I see him as he walked away

I tried to say 'good-bye'

But words were trapped within my throat

All I could do was cry.

The weeks have stretched now into months

And every night I pray

That God will keep him in his care

And bring him home one day.

At last I drift off into sleep

In dreams I see him more

I turn around and smile to hear

His footsteps at the door.

Restless I sleep, and then I wake

Not opening my eyes

I move my hand to reach for him

But no one near me lies.

I will not give in to despair

With each new day I'll cope

For I know he would want me to

Be brave and live with hope.

I hear the voices loud and strong

Who criticize the war

While yelling men are fools to go

They stay on freedoms shore.

A man who cowers under fear

Will die a thousand deaths

While men like mine for freedom fight

And offer their last breaths.

I hope perhaps in fifty years

When men remember war

They won't forget the wives who dreamed

Of footsteps at the door