The Love

There are so many things going through my head right now, I dont know where to begin.
The main thing on my mind is this amazzzzing feeling I have just by the sight of my hubby laying next to me. THis last underway lasted about 3 weeks, but it was the longest 3 weeks ever! When he leaves for these short underways I have mixed emotions. At first its sort of ..Yay, I get to have the car, I can get out of the house, but when it comes down to it I dont want him to go. I miss him like crazy. Someone asked me recently, "What makes him so special?" & you know Iv thought about it so much since then. I cant quite put my finger on it, but this man is just ..so amazing. The love he gives me, the feelings I feel when I think about him//see him//hear his voice on the phone, these are Once in a lifetime feelings. After three weeks of not being able to hold him or kiss him, It felt so wonderful to have his arms around me. Just the sight of him standing on the ship when they pulled in gave me butterflies. It was like homecoming all over again! I love this man with every thing I have! They way I feel about him, the way he makes me feel, Its just unexplainable. We bicker, we argue very rarely, but My gosh the good out weighs the bad in sOOO Maany ways!
He came home today with the news that he was asked to go IA. I cried, I got mad, we talked about it. He doesnt want to go, I dont want him to go, there..we agree.
I would understand if a part of him wanted to go, thats his job, his duty, its what he signed up for. I would support, love, and wait for him, for an eternity if thats what it took to have him home safe again! Do i want my husband gone for a year? ABSOLUTELY NOT! But I would never, never, be unfaithful, or walk away from him. What we have is too amazing to pass up just because we have to be apart for a year. That year apart would be sooo hard, but in the end I believe we would come out stronger and heck, a year apart is nothing compared to the MANY MANY MANY we have left together! Im not as terrified of the time apart as I am, WHERE HE WOULD BE, and WHAT HE WOULD BE DOING. That, however, is depressing and we will not go into that! Anyway, he doesnt want to go, Im hoping since he isnt jumping up and down with his hands in the air saying "pick me, pick me" that they will find someone else! I dont want anyone elses hubby forced away either but...dang it I choose to be selfish in this case =)) haha.
OKay sooo other than all this military hoobla, what else is there to ramble about? Well for the first time in a very long time we have all three of our girls together. Our family is complete, its only for a short time but its sooo nice! Tomorrow we are doing family pictures on the beach, and tooooo excited about this! A wonderful Lady and fellow wife is going to be our photgrapher! Judging by her work Iv seen thus far, she is amazing at what she does! These will be our first pictures of ALL 5 of us together! THey are wayyy past due! I love our family. We have 3 of the most amazing little girls that any parents could ask for!
Speaking of kids, as much as I looove our girls, sometimes I feel like Iv just reached my limit! Holli, our middle child, just seems so...out of control lately =((. It really makes me sad to see her being the only one misbehaving and getting in trouble and not getting the rewards and fun that the other two girls get. It makes me want to baby her more, but that does us no good when it comes to teaching her a lesson. In the past few weeks she has stolen toys from another childs house (actually hid them from me and brought them home with her). She hits her sisters when they arent doing what she wants. She is so bossy I dont know how to handle it. She rolls her eyes far too much, and it seems I have to tell her things ten times before she listens and when she does do as I tell her, it is always with an attitude. =((. Just yelling at her makes her cry...this I think she does on purpose. But then it makes it harder to get her to listen or understand what Im telling her when she is sobbing and screaming. I have tried having talks with her, I have tried the corner, I have tried smacking her hands, I dont bother smacking her butt--It does not phase her and wastes my energy. What to do, what to do? She is a beautiful, VERY smart little girl and only 4 years old, but her behavior toward ME and some other kids is just too much to handle sometimes. I have a very low patience level but I dont think that is the problem, she really is just gettin a little...out of control.
Anyway..on to the last thing on my mind for tonight... (I think). I am sooo ready to go back to school! I atleast want the general education courses under my belt so that when I decided what field I would like to go into I can get started! Having the girls and no extended family and being a military wife makes things a tad more difficult but..this is our life, this is the way its going to be. So these "excuses" are going to be worked around and I am GOING TO get it done! I want to be an example for my kids. Not that I see a problem with being a stay at home mom. I want the opportunity to be home with my girls and watch them grow and learn, help them with school and be here when they get off the bus, all those things that parents so often miss out on. & I loove my husband and appreciate him so much for allowing me that opportunity. I just want more for MYSELF. My husband provides very well for our family, but I could use something productive to do with my time and make something of myself for my family as well.
Now im sitting here staring at this gorgeous man next me and can no longer fight the urge to cuddle up in his arms and fall asleep =)[sigh* I love him]